Exploring boundaries started out a lot like putting together an one thousand piece puzzle of different shades of white. It’s possible to do but requires patience, persistence and a lot of sorting. What I am watching emerge is a powerful set of tools that I can apply to many areas of my life and I have found many parallels to my spiritual practice.
When I prepare for a pagan ritual, I start with setting an intention. For me, establishing an intention often starts with a tangible goal, but that is only a first step. I then work back from there to also determine what energy or a concept that is connected to or represents my tangible goal.
For example, one of my personal goals is to purchase an urban condo. I associate security and stability with owning a home. It is also a place where friends and family gather. So increasing housing security and stability also enhance my bonds with my circle of support.
In planning a ritual around making that dream a reality, my intention of increasing housing security and stability will guide what herbs I use; what color of candles I burn and so forth.
Similarly when I set out to connect with others, I need to understand my personal intentions for the encounter. My intention drives what boundaries I select. If the event is structured, or organized by others, their intentions for the event will also inform what boundaries I select.
When I am with others, being fully present and in the moment fosters the meaningful connections I both want and need. Respecting my own boundaries allows me to be fully present. While respecting another’s boundaries allows them to be fully present. It allows us to drop our masks and our pretenses and stand arm in arm in authenticity.
Boundaries answer the questions, “What structure do I need to put in place for myself to make my intention and the collective intention a reality? What will allow me to be mindful and authentic?”
Regardless of how well I prepare, any number of unexpected things might occur and my pre established boundaries may no longer serve me.
Memories of growing up within the purity culture might rise to the surface and the shame that follows may overwhelm me with shame. Or perhaps I am out with a hot human and find myself lost in sex brain. What I need to continue to making the intention a reality and to stay mindful and present may shift.
Regularly checking in on myself also allows me to remain connected while making the necessary adjustments.
Before I adjust my boundaries, I need to feel into my motivations for changing them. Is this an attempt to avoid honoring uncomfortable emotions? Am I trying to appease someone so that I don’t have to fear feeling abandonment or rejection? Am I trying to cross my boundaries because I no longer can see the potential consequences? Or will adjusting my boundaries better serve me and the intention?
I have found to get that sorted out, I need to find my truth spot. When I am in my truth spot, my inner being is at peace. It is as if the energy of the universe is flowing through me and around me without resistance. There is no yearning, no pressure, just being. It is a state of reverence, a state of connection and oneness between each member of humanity and with the entirety of the universe.
When I feel into my motivations, if I am standing in my truth spot, I know the change is for my best. However, if I feel conflicted or uncomfortable or if I hear myself thinking, “Consequences? I don’t care about consequences!” I am most likely crossing my boundaries, not adjusting them to better serve me.
These lessons will not only seriously improve the quality of my personal relationships, I can see applying these concepts to making goals like buying my hip, urban condo a reality.