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  • The Day that Didn’t Exist
    So far in my life, I have lived a total of 19,644 days. There was one day; however, that up until recently, I would actively lie to myself and would deny it had ever happened. Not even a triple dog dare would get me to share that story with anyone.
  • Hell Yes! Days
    I was afraid to let go and allow myself to fully feel the emotions I thought would drown me. I didn’t trust me to honor my emotions without losing myself in them, held captive and depraved. I tried to control the ride and the outcome by suppressing my soul only to create a mechanical projection […]
  • Ellie and the Should-Rat: A Life Hijacked
    With that one word, “should”, my shoulders tensed, my brow furrowed and the morning’s conversation with my mother replayed in my mind with my not so little should-rat providing the narration.
  • How I Got My Power Back
    I had friends and I would share my hopes and dreams with them, but I didn’t turn to them when the days were hard and I felt like giving up. When I didn’t know what step to take next or was overwhelmed by all that I needed to get done, I hid that from them. They didn’t know about the days where I hated myself for my lack of follow through and sustained motivation. I didn’t tell them when my anxiety was at a ten and I didn’t know how I would get to tomorrow. It was ultimately just me and more often than not, it felt very lonely.
  • Am I Really that Bad?
    I don’t know if this is an intentional feature of the Challenging Negative Self-Talk exercise or more a side effect of living by committee. (I swear that’s how my life feels.) Or a little of both, but I have found myself doubting some of the answers I wrote to the prompts back in June when […]

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