• The Day that Didn’t Exist

    The Day that Didn’t Exist

    So far in my life, I have lived a total of 19,644 days. There was one day; however, that up until recently, I would actively lie to myself and would deny it had ever happened. Not even a triple dog dare would get me to share that story with anyone.

  • Hell Yes! Days

    Hell Yes! Days

    I was afraid to let go and allow myself to fully feel the emotions I thought would drown me. I didn’t trust me to honor my emotions without losing myself in them, held captive and depraved. I tried to control the ride and the outcome by suppressing my soul only to create a mechanical projection…

  • How I Got My Power Back

    How I Got My Power Back

    I had friends and I would share my hopes and dreams with them, but I didn’t turn to them when the days were hard and I felt like giving up. When I didn’t know what step to take next or was overwhelmed by all that I needed to get done, I hid that from them.…

  • Am I Really that Bad?

    Am I Really that Bad?

    I don’t know if this is an intentional feature of the Challenging Negative Self-Talk exercise or more a side effect of living by committee. (I swear that’s how my life feels.) Or a little of both, but I have found myself doubting some of the answers I wrote to the prompts back in June when…

  • Finding the Truth Spot

    Finding the Truth Spot

    Respecting my own boundaries allows me to be fully present. While respecting another’s boundaries allows them to be fully present. It allows us to drop our masks and our pretenses and stand arm in arm in authenticity.

  • Just Be Yourself

    Just Be Yourself

    I don’t remember how old I was when I realized I didn’t have a clear sense of my own identity. I don’t know when people started telling me, “You’re trying too hard! Just be yourself.”  What I do remember is the feeling of absolute frustration I felt at it all. “What do they mean, ‘trying…

  • I Am an Serial F*ck Up!

    I Am an Serial F*ck Up!

    “I am a serial f*ck up!.” That is what my brain is telling me right now. “I am a serial f*ck up! This time I did it big!” To be honest with you, I’m not sure how this is going to play out. The uncertainty has pushed me  into the stormy waters of massive anxiety…

  • Empowered by Imperfection

    The tulips and daffodils were blooming and the weather was Willamette Valley gray and tea bag soggy. I was a toothless redhead with serious eyes, bursting with excitement. In the past six months, I had taken many bold steps into the world of the big kids. I had finally started school. – Before he left…

  • Anxiety Surfing

    Today I was contemplating an idea I was committing myself to bringing into existence.  I had dreamed of doing something like this before. There had even been previous ideas that I had tried to bring to fruition. I had invested time and money only to have it all come to naught. Was I just setting…